Home » Why Does My Husband Yell at Me? 14 Possible Reasons and How to Handle This Situation

Why Does My Husband Yell at Me? 14 Possible Reasons and How to Handle This Situation

by Josephine Fuller
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I think we can all agree that no human being wants to be yelled at by their spouses. It makes you ask, “Why does my husband yell at me?” Not only is it disrespectful, but it also makes you feel bad, embarrassed, and ashamed. It can also lead to emotional abuse if left undealt with.

So, if you ask yourself, “Why does my husband yell at me?” Possible reasons are he lacks communication skills; he has personal struggles; he has anger management issues; he has unresolved issues with you; he wants to assert control; he holds a distorted view of gender; he lacks self-emotional regulation and more!

If you want to know about these reasons in detail and how to handle your husband yelling at you when he does it again, read further for more!

Is Yelling Normal in a Marriage?

Unless it’s your spouse screaming at the top of his lungs how much he loves you (in a totally healthy way), then yelling isn’t normal. It shouldn’t even be normalized in marriages. Instead, it should be taken as a warning sign indicating a toxic spouse and relationship.

According to Susan Knapp, a licensed family and marriage therapist, there are times when you run out of patience and lose your temper. This may lead to the raising of voices, but screaming that is unnecessary and excessive is toxic.

Is It Emotional Abuse When My Husband Yells at Me?

Often, you don’t know you’re being emotionally and even psychologically abused until it’s too late. That’s why it’s important to recognize its signs so you can keep yourself safe and address the issue immediately.

Here is when yelling becomes emotional abuse:

  • It’s consistent.The yelling doesn’t stop even if you haven’t done anything wrong or you’ve been keeping your silence. He’s using this as an opportunity to intimidate, threaten, or control you.
  • He adds insults to the mix.It’s considered emotional abuse if he starts belittling, criticizing, ridiculing, or insulting you. This also includes name-calling, bullying, degrading, and just generally putting you down. He’ll even do it to the people you care for, such as your friends and family.
  • You’re afraid of him.If you’re starting to feel unsafe and fearful of your husband whenever he screams at you, it’s another indicator that you’re being emotionally abused.
  • Your mental health is affected.There’s only so much a human being can handle when it comes to their mental and emotional health. You have a toxic husband in your hands if you’re becoming depressed or riddled with anxiety whenever he yells at you.
  • It affects your daily life.You start walking on eggshells around your husband, not feeling the slightest bit comfortable. You’re scared. One wrong move triggers his anger, and he starts screaming at you.
why does my husband yell at me

Why Does My Husband Yell at Me?

Although fighting with your significant other may lead to screaming, this alone isn’t necessarily an indication of toxic relationship dynamics. However, if it becomes consistent, that’s a totally different story. It’s important to address the root causes of why your husband is yelling at you.

So, if you’re wondering, “Why does my husband yell at me?” here are 14 possible reasons:

1. He Doesn’t Know How to Communicate Properly

Your husband may not be aware of healthy ways of talking and addressing issues without the need for verbal aggression, which includes yelling or excessive screaming. Most men are like this, so it comes as no surprise that your husband is a bad communicator.

Reasons why this is the case include the following:

  • He wasn’t taught at a young age how to communicate his needs, feelings, and desires
  • He doesn’t allow himself to become emotionally vulnerable, opting to express his intentions in the only way he knows how—yelling.
  • He grew up in an environment that involved a lot of screaming family members, and he has unconsciously picked up this habit.
  • He’s simply hardwired to yell out the points and concerns he wants to come across regarding your marriage.

Indeed, effective and positive communication has yielded better marital satisfaction compared to the contrary, according to this 2016 study. This confirms the fact that communication should be prioritized to strengthen relationships in the long run.

2. He’s Experiencing Personal Struggles

I know you’re asking yourself, “Why does my husband yell at me?” and the answer might just be right in front of you. Look closely and notice any physical, emotional, or mental changes in your husband lately. Perhaps he’s struggling with some situations that stress him out.

Possible situations are trouble at work, family problems, fights with friends, mental or physical health struggles, financial reasons, and drug or alcohol misuse. It can also be a combination of all these problems, thus becoming too mentally taxing for him to handle.

Due to this, he may have lashed out at you out of frustration, helplessness, or anger that may not have been directed at you. If he feels bad about it later on and apologizes, then that’s great news. But if the yelling just doesn’t stop, then it’s a completely different story.

3. He Has Anger Management Issues

One common behavior among people with anger management issues is that they transfer and project their anger to other people. For your husband, that happens to be you since you’re always in his immediate environment. He experiences a frustrating situation, and then he takes out his anger on you.

Furthermore, this is an indicator that he lacks healthy coping mechanisms that can calm his anger instead of fueling it more. He may be simply unaware of such coping mechanisms. Or rather, he refuses to seek help from a licensed therapist or mental health professional to address his issues.

When your husband lets his anger get the best of him, he may tend to rehash the incident that made him mad in the first place. This causes him to lash out even more at you. Again, once this is consistent and seems to have no end in sight, it’s considered emotional abuse.

4. He Has Unresolved Issues With You

The answer to your question, “Why does my husband yell at me?” might be because you and your spouse may have unresolved problems that need to be fixed. Look back at the past days or weeks and truly think deeply if there’s anything that has bothered you both lately.

He must have been extremely exasperated by the thought that your issues still haven’t been addressed. It may also be because you have ongoing arguments that keep being put off. Either you both have no time for it, or you have other important responsibilities and endeavors to attend to.

In this case, yelling is your husband’s way to release all the pent-up frustration he has felt. Of course, it isn’t healthy, but as long as it isn’t consistent, it just means he’s swept up by his emotions. Look into fixing the root cause of the issue so that you can move forward with your relationship.

5. He Wants to Be in Control

If your spouse is used to being in charge, he may find it difficult to feel powerlessness. He struggles to deal with situations where he doesn’t have any control over the circumstances. He may feel threatened, intimidated, or anxious, prompting him to raise his voice as a means of regaining control.

Not only does your husband shout, but he will also use other tactics to assert his dominance. This includes aggressive physical contact, invading your personal space, having an expansive posture (i.e., taking up more physical space), and even sexually objectifying you.

Control issues and behaviors can stem from experiences of abuse, neglect, and other past traumatic events. They can also be due to having low self-esteem, abandonment fears, anxiety, or a perfectionist approach in life. As such, these behaviors should be immediately addressed before they escalate into abuse.

6. He Holds a Prejudiced View of Gender

Your husband is a misogynist and holds a distorted view and perception of how women should act and speak in society. He’s pretty outdated in his thinking and is probably feeling superior and entitled in certain ways. This helps him justify his toxic actions towards his wife, including yelling.

Misogynists are often tough nuts to crack because their beliefs are often deep-rooted and have been ingrained in them since childhood. They believe that they have the right to dictate, shout, control, and degrade their partners. Because in doing so, it maintains “proper order” or “balance” in their relationships.

Often, you don’t realize you’re married to someone with such beliefs until you’ve tied the knot. However, here are red flags you can look out for:

  • He puts you down constantly, and he’d do it publicly, too
  • He doesn’t support your ambitions, dreams, and goals in life
  • He thinks women should be treated differently, and in a negative manner, from men
  • He uses “women,” “female,” “girls,” or other feminine words in a derogatory or insulting sense in his statements
  • He thinks he should be making all the important decisions in the marriage without consulting your thoughts and opinions

7. He Lacks Emotional Regulation

“Why does my husband yell at me?” you ask. He does so in a poor attempt to deal with his negative and volatile emotions. He doesn’t know how to regulate them, causing him to shout at you unreasonably and unnecessarily, if I might add.

Your husband may be having trouble controlling his moods. He either jumps from one mood to another or doesn’t know how to make himself feel better. He may also have impulsive behaviors, be prone to losing his temper quickly, or get easily frustrated by minor inconveniences.

The lack of emotional self-regulation can be detrimental to your marriage. This can further cause more problems, such as substance abuse or mental health disorders. It may even affect your husband’s career and relationships with other people if left unaddressed for too long.

8. He Has an Anxious Attachment Style

It’s a possibility that your husband may have an anxious attachment style in childhood, and he’s still showing the symptoms as a full-grown adult. People with this attachment style have a strong fear of abandonment and a frequent need for reassurance and validation.

As such, your husband is most likely the jealous, insecure, and highly emotionally reactive type. He may easily fall prey to his impulsive behaviors, including the desire to scream at you. This typically happens because he’s not reassured of your feelings and love towards him.

9. He Engages in Substance Abuse

If your husband has an alcohol or drug problem, it may be the reason for his aggressive behaviors, which include shouting. According to a 2022 study, individuals with substance abuse problems are often associated with aggressive behavior and depressive symptoms.

Alcohol and drugs can lower your inhibitions and loosen your overall cognition, making it harder for your husband to control his aggressive or volatile outbursts. If it’s affecting your marriage already, encourage your husband to get counseling, especially if you have children. Your and their safety comes first!

10. He Has Mental Health Issues

I know there will always be a stigma revolving around mental health issues. But it’s also worth considering that there’s a chance that your husband may have them. Certain mental health disorders are associated with angry outbursts, rage fits, and mood swings, which your husband may be exhibiting.

Here are some conditions that can have the abovementioned behaviors:

  • Depression
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
  • Generalized anxiety disorder
  • Bipolar disorder
  • Borderline personality disorder
  • Obsessive-compulsive disorder
  • Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
  • Intermittent explosive disorder (IED)

This is why it’s important to encourage your husband to come in touch with a licensed mental health professional. Through them, his issues and struggles will come to light and be addressed promptly without causing further harm to you and your marriage.

11. He Was Raised in a Dysfunctional Family

Another probable answer to your question, “Why does my husband yell at me?” is that he was raised in a family where screaming and arguing are the norm. If he was exposed to parents or family members constantly bickering with raised voices, he has most likely adopted this habit.

Your husband may perceive yelling as a “normal” way to communicate even with the people you love. I know this doesn’t dismiss the fact that he may be emotionally abusive. But it helps greatly to understand where he’s coming from and the particular circumstances of how he was raised.

Breaking these harmful childhood patterns takes a lot of therapy, patience, time, and effort. Because he’s unlearning something that was deeply ingrained into every fiber of his being, as long as your husband is willing to go through the necessary management methods, he can overcome his propensity to yell.

12. He Lacks a Purpose in Life

Everyone goes through at least some pressure in their lives, and your husband must be under a lot of it recently. This might have something to do with societal expectations. This includes acquiring a high-paying job, getting married, having children, owning a house, and other external pressures.

These expectations might negatively affect his self-esteem and confidence, making him question if he truly has a purpose in his life. This might cause him to have an angry outburst, lash out at you, and resort to screaming if he’s extremely frustrated with himself.

why does my husband yell at me

13. He’s Sleep Deprived

It doesn’t take a genius to find out, although there’s a 2021 study to prove that sleep loss or deprivation negatively affects one’s mood. There’s also a 2018 study that proves that sleep debt can be correlated with aggression, anger, short temper, and irritability.

Please take a good note of your husband’s sleeping patterns lately and see whether he’s getting enough sleep or not. He’s probably overworked, does too many things at night before sleeping, or he might have insomnia. Whatever it is, encourage him to fix his body clock before he causes bigger problems.

14. He Wants to Be Heard

The last answer to your question, “Why does my husband yell at me?” is that he literally wants to be heard. Maybe the both of you have been going through a conflict that’s unresolved for weeks, and you’re not listening to his side of the story.

Moreover, it’s also possible that he’s been feeling unloved or disconnected from you. He’s frustrated that your relationship has come to a standstill. Although yelling at you is not the proper way of addressing this type of issue, it’s good to know where he’s coming from.

In this case, he just wants you to actively listen to him and understand things from his perspective. He wants to fix whatever needs to be fixed and move forward with your relationship in a healthy, more connected manner.

What to Do When My Husband Yells at Me?

Now that you know the possible reasons for “Why does my husband yell at me?” it’s time for you to be aware of the things you need to do when this type of situation happens. Here are some tips that can help you safely navigate them:

  • Communicate openly and honestly. Talk to your husband and tell him about all the yelling he’s doing and how it makes you feel. If he’s open to discussion, then you can calmly tell him to modify his behaviors. But if he’s not listening, it’s better to take a break from one another instead.
  • Stay calm and collected. Whatever you do, don’t shout back at your husband. Men are volatile creatures, and you don’t know how he would retaliate once you fight back at him. Additionally, fighting fire with fire isn’t the solution to this problem.
  • Consider seeking professional help.Seeing a licensed therapist or mental health professional can do wonders. If you can, attend a couples therapy session or marriage counseling to better address your issues and improve your overall relationship.
  • Set boundaries. Let him know that you’re not tolerating his behavior and you won’t allow a next time to happen. No yelling should be a non-negotiable in your marriage! Arguments, if they can’t be avoided, should be done in a composed manner.
  • Keep yourself safe. Ask for emotional support from your friends and family members if things have escalated. Know when to leave the room or your house if you no longer feel safe from your husband. Please have at least two persons you can call when you need it.
  • Know when it’s time for you to leave. If the abovementioned tips are not helping at all, contemplate if your marriage has become emotionally abusive and is no longer what it was before. Consider leaving if it’s the only solution that can set you both free from all this torment.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Is it disrespectful to yell at your spouse?

Yes, especially if it makes your partner feel bad or hurt. Yelling at your husband or wife can have adverse psychological effects in the long run and may even cause trauma if it’s done consistently.

2. How does yelling impact my marriage?

Screaming at your partner can give way to toxic relationship dynamics. It fosters anger and resentment, causes fear and anxiety, and ultimately leads to a break-up if left undealt with.

Frequent exposure to being yelled at can ruin both physical and emotional intimacy, trust, and the respect you have for your husband.

3. What do I do when my husband doesn't stop yelling at me?

Distance yourself from your husband for the time being, give him time to cool off, and reassess his behaviors. Try talking to him in a calm and composed manner, but if you feel unsafe with him, text him instead. Encourage him to seek marriage counseling or couples therapy with you.

If all else fails, consider walking away. It’s not worth your health and well-being to be stuck to someone who constantly yells at you and causes emotional harm. You should be treated with respect—to love and to cherish, remember?

Final Thoughts

I hope I’ve given enough answers to your question, “Why does my husband yell at me?” and what you can do if you happen to find yourself experiencing this specific situation at some point in your relationship.

While it’s important to understand why he did what he did, it’s also crucial to know that you deserve to be loved and cherished in your marriage. Don’t tolerate your husband yelling at you so that you don’t enable potentially emotionally abusive behaviors, especially if you have a family together.

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