Love, sex, betrayal, intuition kicking in, and weird feelings. Are there signs that a married man is using you? Find out the 15 signs that the married guy you’re dating doesn’t love you and has been using you all along!
The 15 signs are:
- He is always busy
- He does not keep his promises
- He does not let you see his friends or family
- He is hesitant to make your relationship public
- He takes you to “secret” places
- He prefers to meet you at his convenience
- He is abusive and manipulative
- He has a “my way or the highway” attitude
- He gives “disrespectful” sex
- He only sees you as a rebound
- He “slut-shames” you
- He refuses to talk about the future
- He is emotionally closed off
- He only calls you when he needs sex
- He tells you directly he is using you!
Read on in this article for detailed answers to each sign.
There could be plenty of reasons why a man in a married relationship would break the vows. However, the most simple answer would be — he doesn’t love you. A real faithful and committed man is a man who genuinely loves his spouse. Cheating, lying, and betrayal are all signs that he never loved you in the first place.
1.He is narcissistic
Most experts agree that unfaithful men in committed relationships are hard-core narcissists (Yes, they are!). It can be hard to spot because they’re often very deceptive in their appearances. They may look charming and intelligent, have well-spoken manners, and can cover up their tracks easily.
Narcissistic men who cheat are very manipulative. They know what they want and use every trick in the book to get it! Their naive spouses, on the other hand, are giving them undeniable amounts of love and affection while being stabbed in the back. This is often a very sad case for many married couples out there.
If you suspect that he is using you or doing something behind your back. It is time for you to tune in to your gut instinct and learn how to be more observant of the clues that he might be using you.
2.He is exploring his sexuality
When he explores his sexuality with other women, it indicates that he has an unsatisfactory sex life with his wife. It can be due to a lot of reasons. Maybe the passion isn’t there anymore. Whatever the reason why, a good portion of married men who cheat are just looking after sex.
The sex they want to try out might be kinky than usual. They might try different fetishes to satisfy their sexual ego. In the end, they are just there for their selfish pleasure. A cheating husband will show signs of infidelity, and it will be obvious in his body language that he is cheating.
3.He has an unfulfilled marriage
Marriages are hard; they’re often challenging because both the husband and wife need to communicate their needs, wants, and boundaries in the relationship properly. When a man feels like his wife doesn’t love him, he will seek that love and affection from other women.
A nagging wife can be toxic and leave the husband unfulfilled. However, it is not a reasonable excuse for cheating. Most men who have unfulfilled relationships with their wives often resort to cheating as a form of pleasure.
As soon as the man feels that the other woman is offering him emotional love and support, he will not hesitate to leave his wife. This can be a difficult situation for the ones involved. Often, this also results in issues within the family circle.
4.He took the opportunity to cheat
Sometimes, some men just happen to cheat by mistake; maybe it’s the opportunity that presents itself to them. It could be because of the seduction game that just made them lose it. Some men cheat because they were offered the chance, and they took it.
It is not a reasonable excuse, but to some extent, it shows how some men can be selfish. They will only think about their pleasure and ego. With that said, the convenience of online dating platforms and anonymous dating apps can make him more tempted than usual.
Are You The Other Woman In The Relationship?
Relationships can be tricky; it’s a two-sided street, after all. Complications can arise if one or both parties in a committed relationship cheat and lie to each other. However, it can be a different scenario if you’ve been played by a man who is married.
If you’re in a relationship and you find out that you are the other woman. Meaning that he was already married to someone else before he met you. It is best to stay away from that man as soon as possible! He’s a danger, and he will only make your life miserable in the process.
Other complications would also arise in the relationship. First, the relationship is already broken because it’s built on lies and deceit. He was never honest with you and might just be looking for fun and pleasure outside of his married life. The risk here is that you would develop stronger feelings for him, which is not mutual in the first place!
Second, it will be inevitable that his wife will find out about the affair. This will possibly result in future stalking, confrontations, or humiliation in public or social media. Don’t be the girl who sticks up to an abusive husband! Instead, if there’s an opportunity, seek allegiance to the wife.
If you seek to enter this kind of relationship, remember these essential things:
- Learn to communicate your needs in the relationship, and they must be properly met
- Have clear, established boundaries
- Have concise actions on how he can resolve his marriage issues with his wife (divorce)
- Learn to outweigh the pros and cons of dating him
- Have standards and tell him you will not settle for less
The 15 Signs That A Married Man Is Using You
1.He is always busy
Let’s face it: no one is ever really that busy. A true, loyal husband who is genuinely in love with you will always try to make a way to communicate and be in your physical proximity. It’s a sign of respect and love in the relationship. Suppose you’ve been noticing the opposite. It indicates that the man you married might be using you.
When you notice that he is always busy with work or with other “unplanned” meetings, or if you have been noticing detachment from him, that can span from days to weeks. It is not a good sign, and you have every right to be worried. This usually indicates that he has a life outside of you already. Or worse, he’s already married to someone else, and you’re just a sidepiece!
When he’s always busy, also expect that he will not give you any emotional support that you need. It will be you who gives him the emotional support. The relationship will feel one-sided, and you will never feel like you’re prioritized.
2.He does not keep his promises
If there are instances that he says he will “make up” all the time lost in the relationship but still cancels plans at the last minute. This is a big red flag; he is inconsiderate and doesn’t prioritize you. This indicates a lack of true love and affection in the relationship.
Your husband will do things for you without hesitation. When he does not keep his promises, this means that he is not a man to be trusted and that there are things that you need to know about him. If he wants to, he will!
A married man must devote his time to his wife. It’s common sense; his life must revolve around his family. He must be a provider of physical sustenance as well as emotional stability and love to his wife and children. This means being more attentive to the needs of his child and wife.
If you find yourself frequently abandoned in the relationship, or if you feel like there are too many instances where he has broken his promise. There’s a high chance that you’re being used by a married man.
3.He does not let you see his friends or family
It’s pretty weird that despite your “long” dating history with him, you’ve never met any of his closest friends or family members. Whenever you ask him about this topic, he always shrugs it off and becomes irritated. When he does this, it usually indicates that he is hiding a LOT of things from you.
Keeping you away from the ones closest to him indicates that he may be cheating! He does not let you see his family or friends only because of two things — he doesn’t want you to find out that you’re just being used, and second, he is saving himself from the humiliation that might come when both parties discover his treacherous actions.
Remember that ideally, you must meet his family, especially if he’s telling you he is planning for divorce. This tells you that he is reassuring you enough to keep you committed to the relationship.
4.He is hesitant to make your relationship public.
When a married man cheats, he wants to make sure everything is clean and proper. He doesn’t want his wife, acquaintances, or friends to find out. This means that he will be incredibly secretive about you. He will hesitate to take your relationship status on social media, or he won’t show signs of affection in public.
This is in fear of other people finding out about his dirty business. If you feel like a dirty little secret instead of a partner, and you know that he has been shrugging off any type of pledge to having a committed relationship. It’s a bad sign that he’s married and is only using you.
Alongside that, when he is using you. He will not feel the need to take you out on dates. To him, you were just a plaything. He is most definitely concerned with keeping you as his secret, someone he is not proud of.
5.He takes you to “secret” places
It is an obvious sign that a married man is using you if he only calls you at specific times of the day, especially if these times are late past the clock.
When he restricts open contact with you, especially during the day, it indicates that he is hiding your relationships with others. When he does this, it is a clear sign for you to start running away from him!
He might be concealing your relationship from others if he is limiting contact. Is he becoming very particular about when you can reach him? Is he asking you to contact him in a particular app? Is he telling you that you can only contact him with a specific amount of time? If he only shows up when he feels like it, it could be an attempt to keep his personal life and your relationship apart.
6.He prefers to meet you at his convenience
A married man who is using you prefers to hang out with you in clandestine meetings. He would prefer it if you accompanied him in secret and dark places only the two of you know about. When he prefers to meet you in secret, it is a red-flag sign that he is not interested in committing to you.
When he prefers to meet you in secret, he would ask you to meet him up in secret places, usually in the late hours of the night. He tells you that he is busy and that his only free time is during that “night” time. This is suspicious behavior that indicates he is using you!
7.He is abusive and manipulative
Manipulative behavior comes off as love bombing and emotional abuse and distress. When he is manipulative, he will use every bit of information against you. It seems like you have no power in the relationship; it’s all about him.
Power and control come into play here. You will also notice that he is playing emotional games with you, gaslighting you, and making you think you’re irrational for being paranoid.
Beware of this behavior whenever he shows signs of being manipulative. He is showing his true colors. Any signs of emotional manipulation indicate that he doesn’t love you and is just using you.
8.He has a “my way or the highway” attitude
A married man who is using you will always want to get his way. He is selfish and conceited; he never truly shows remorse or care for your well-being or feelings. To him, you were never a real responsibility. You were just there to be his plaything.
When he has this ultra-stubborn attitude, it can be distressful. He tends to come and go as he pleases. He never apologizes about it. He may not even think that he’s done something bad. It might be days or weeks of no contact; to him, it’s normal.
When you notice that he always has this terrible attitude where he always wants to get his way, it’s a bad sign that he is using you. A stubborn and selfish personality only results in an unhealthy and toxic relationship.
9.He gives “disrespectful” sex
Let’s face it: sex can be a different experience for everybody. Some like it rough; some like it extremely tender and romantic. What matters is that there is consent and fun in both parties involved.
However, if you have noticed that he treats you more like an “object” in bed than an actual respectable woman, it might be because he is only using you for sex. Too kinky or wild fetishes that he might engage in, you are the things he would never do with his wife.
This can be good if you’re down for it, however, if you feel disrespected and “used” afterward. Your gut is telling you the right feelings. He might be using you just to explore his sexual fantasies, and he’s not really in love with you.
Beware of sudden “too aggressive” kinks or fetishes that he might suggest to you. He is probably doing that to experience that side of his sexuality. He might even want to try a threesome with you or go to a swingers club. If he does this, it is your right to decline and tell him you are offended by the suggestions.
10.He only sees you as a rebound
When a married man is using you, he thinks it’s not big of a deal. He only sees you as a rebound, a fantasy he needs to experience, an object he needs to attain. He doesn’t see you for who you are. He is just using you for amusement.
Having an affair is an extremely big deal, and you’re not just putting yourself in trouble. You are risking your life in the process. Narcissistic married men who cheat often have a bad temper and tend to get violent when things don’t go their way.
For them, they believe that it is in their nature not to be monogamous. Therefore, having fun outside of their marriage is not a big thing; if he doesn’t value his wife, what makes you think he would value you?
11. He “slut-shames” you
Narcissistic men who have affairs outside of their marriage don’t take responsibility for the affairs they have. Instead, they blame it on the woman. These are the types of men who would slut-shame a woman for sex.
If the man you’re with is blaming you for being “too easy” and blames you for the actual affair you both had. It is a clear sign that he doesn’t love you and is just using you for sex. To him, it was never his fault. You seduced him, and you were in the wrong.
He will also find the time to find excuses for his depraved actions. He will tell you, “It’s your fault for wearing something provocative to seduce him.” Anything just to divert the blame. This makes you seem like the instigator and him the victim.
12.He refuses to talk about the future
Suppose he refuses to think or plan about your relationship’s future. He only sees you as a temporary fling; for him, it is tough to be reluctant to share anything with you because, to him, your relationship with him is going nowhere.
Ideally, if he is serious about you, even if he’s married, he will assure you that he will leave his wife and will present you with current plans for the relationship to work. If he keeps you out in the dark or refuses to tell you anything. It’s probably because he has no plan himself.
If he is really serious about you, he will be willing to address your concerns about the future. Regardless of how hard the conversations might be. If he keeps you in the dark or if he becomes irritated by you asking about the future. It indicates that he is only using you for fun.
13.He is emotionally closed off
When he is emotionally closed off, it pertains to him being detached and keeping you at arm’s length. You never know who he truly is as a person because he only lets you see the bits of it. It is important to remember that if he is truly serious, he will make ways to open up to you.
Consider being honest with him if you tell him that he is detached and hiding things from you, and he becomes angry at you. It’s just another confirmation that he is not going to be committed to you.
Alongside that, if he is emotionally closed off. He will act nonchalant around you. He might also entertain other women without knowing that you will be hurt in the process. This shows that his emotions are not in the right place.
14.He only calls you when he needs sex
Another obvious red flag sign that a married man is using you is if he only calls you for sex! When he does this, you will notice that he will go the extra mile just to be “sweet” and thoughtful. This is to get you to have sex with him.
It is disturbing, and he is leading you on. Making you think that the relationship will go on to the next level. In the end, you will realize that you are giving him too much credit. You will end up being deserted.
If he’s in the mood, he might do extra things for you, take you on a date, or bring you gifts and flowers. Suddenly, once he gets what he wants. He becomes cold and rude. You might not hear from him again a few days or weeks after the contact.
15. He tells you directly he is using you!
This is the most obvious sign. If he tells you directly that he is only after sex, if he tells you he is not planning on committing to you or making your relationship official. He’s only using you for sex or an emotional outlet.
When he tells you that he is using you, he will bring up a thousand excuses as to why he is not leaving his wife or why it will be hard for him to leave her. He will tell you to just settle with the nonsense relationship he is giving you right now.
If he does this, you will also notice a lot of terrible behavior and body language. You will notice he never treats you like a proper lady. He never goes out of his way to impress you, and he might even take advantage of you physically, emotionally, or financially.
How To Save Yourself From That Toxic Relationship! (5 ways to do it)
● Know the signs and plan to evacuate
Now that you have learned all the signs, it is a wise decision to exit the relationship immediately. This is to ensure your safety; dealing with a married man can be dangerous and challenging. You might see his “temperamental” side, or you might encounter his wife, which will only result in further escalations.
You need to realize your worth as a woman. Learn from your mistakes, and have a safe evacuation plan. When you recognize all the signs, you will realize that he isn’t worth it after all, and other men out there can give you the love and affection you rightfully deserve.
● Cut contact with him!
This won’t be easy; it might take some time for you to truly realize that the relationship is one-sided. He was never there for you, and he will never be. When you feel this to the bone, you will have no option but to cut him off from your life.
You must cut any contact with him to show that you are taking a stand for yourself. When you cut him off, you are showing that you will not be taken for granted or abused. Cutting him off means you are cutting off the toxicity in your life. Ushering a brand new chapter for you!
To cut him off, you can try leaving him on read for days, and you can even try writing him a formal goodbye message. Or you can try completely blocking him off. You mustn’t break the no-contact rule. After you block him, it’s a done deal.
● Execute the plan perfectly
You must leave the relationship properly and bring along any possessions you will need. If he has something on you, like money that needs to be paid, pay it promptly. Leave no things behind; this ensures that you get to start a new life without him.
It is also necessary to reconnect with your friends and family this time. The realization and healing process can be difficult, and you might succumb to depression. Instead, learn to be with the people you love and trust the most. This gives you a foundation to start a brand new chapter in your life.
● Focus on your goals
The gap he leaves behind can be difficult to fill. It may be hard because, in the end, you truly love him, even if he is only using you for his benefit. However, it’s not the end of the world if you break up with him! At the end of the day, you can always choose to love yourself.
To do this, you must keep the fire alive within you. You have goals and passion you can pursue and achieve! Start a new business, get a job, meet new people, travel, and learn to live life the way you want it to be!
This is the time for you to be happy and beautiful! Take care of yourself and live a hot girl lifestyle! Go to the gym and get the body you want, eat healthy, and try out new methods to make yourself as pretty as ever! The world is your oyster, and you are a prize!
● Let your closest friends and family know
When you let someone know, you are no longer carrying the secrets and the burden that comes with keeping them. It gives you the freedom to truly accept your failed relationship and move on. When you let your closest and trusted friends know what happened between the both of you. You are not keeping the shame to yourself.
It is a healthy way to release your pent-up emotions. If you feel that you are still threatened by his presence. Do not hesitate to seek help from the authorities. Remember that you are not alone in this journey.
Final Thoughts: You deserve better!
You can have a clean and honest relationship with a married man under the right circumstances. If he is already separated and is planning for divorce, or if you have already met the wife and family, It is safe to say that being with a married man is complicated as there can be plenty of nuances that can come in the way.
However, you must always remember to do the RIGHT thing. This means going clean with your intentions for him and letting him know that you will not stay in the relationship if he is not committed to you.
You must also understand that his spouse, friends, and family must know that you exist; consider asking him about his reasons and telling him what you want—whether that’s meeting them yourself or simply having him tell them about you. In the end, it’s your decision whether you want to stay with a married man or not.
We have given you plenty of reasons and knowledge on how to navigate his challenging dating scenario. It’s up to you whether you take the risk or not. But, always remember to have some decency and respect for all the members that might be affected by your relationship — the wife, his kids, and family.
Josephine Fuller is a contributing writer for dailytimesblog.com.
She is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, and She has been researching love and relationships for over 20 years. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. She’s also an astrologer who uses the stars to explore and explain her unique perspective on life. With a special blend of wit, wisdom, and insight, Josephine brings the heavens down to Earth in her writing about astrology.