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10 Powerful Questions To Ask Your Unfaithful Spouse!

by Josephine Fuller
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Experiencing infidelity is already hard enough in marriage, but asking the tough questions can be even more difficult. It’s hard to face someone whom you’ve committed and trusted and learn they betrayed you. We’re here for you despite all of that. You need to be strong and learn how to ask these 10 essential questions about your unfaithful spouse!

Suffering is inevitable once you find out that your spouse is cheating on you. The best way you can get through it is by asking these essential questions, which will give you enough clarity and answers. By posing these queries, you can comprehend the motivations behind the adultery and learn how to move on.

Here are the 10 essential questions you must ask about your unfaithful spouse:

1. Question #1 to ask your unfaithful: Why did you cheat on me?

This is the first important question you should ask your unfaithful spouse. When you ask this question, you are trying to find the root cause of why your spouse cheated. Is it because they find someone else appealing already? Is it because of you? Your nagging or other challenging attitude? Or could it be something else?

When you ask the question: “Why did you cheat on me?” you are asking him the very basic question that must be answered accordingly. You have the right to know why your spouse did it regardless of their reason. It settles the most basic questions about infidelity and helps you understand your partner’s motivations.

Of course, asking why someone cheated is both a basic and complicated question to answer. Betrayal should never and will never be justified in the first place. However, asking this important question is incredibly important for you to know why your partner cheated. So that, in the long run, you’ll be able to heal and move forward.

2. Question #2 to ask your unfaithful: Who is the other woman/man?

Another important question that you should ask your unfaithful spouse is whether it is necessary for you to know who the third party is. When you ask who the other man or woman is in the relationship, you are further giving yourself insight into your partner’s psyche. Maybe you’ll find out that the other person is completely the opposite of you in terms of appearance or personality.

Then, you can further ask your spouse why they chose them out of all the potential cheating partners they can be with. When you ask who the other man or woman is, you are also gaining clarity on who the person is and their connection to your spouse. You are gaining clarity and momentum. It’s like an “aha!” moment.

Sometimes, it may be hard to conceive, but there were subtle signs already that you may have missed during the duration of your relationship that show your spouse is cheating on this specific person. It can be hard to swallow, but this is a necessary step for you to heal and move on.

10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse

3. Question #3 to ask your unfaithful: How long have you cheated on me?

Aside from asking, “Who is the other man/woman?” you should also ask this important question. Remember that infidelity is a gruesome betrayal of someone who you committed and put your trust into. There can be a lot of factors; some cheaters can make it a one-time event, and some continuously do it despite knowing that it will hurt their spouse.

When you ask the question: “How long have you been cheating on me?” you are gaining clarity on how many weeks, months, or years your spouse has been HIDING the infidelity. This will give you insight into whether your spouse should be trusted and whether you should leave them or not. In many cases, infidelity is not a one-size-fits-all process. There are a lot of factors that affect the susceptibility of someone to cheat on their partner.

Regardless, when you ask your cheating partner this question, it will further help you to understand the extent of the infidelity if the infidelity happened continuously and is becoming more like a pattern. Then, it may be best for you to leave the relationship. However, if it was a one-time ordeal, it’s still possible that you can work things out with them.

4. Question #4 to ask your unfaithful: Are you in love with him/her?

This is another powerful question that will set the tone of your relationship. When you ask this question to your cheating spouse, you are setting the direction of where the relationship is headed. This is a simple yes or no answer.

Therefore, if your spouse’s answer to this question is yes, then it would be best for you to just leave the relationship; there’s no good in staying in a marriage where you are not loved by your partner.

Always remember that a spouse who is in love with someone other than their other half cannot be in a relationship. Your love for your spouse will always be unrequited, and you’ll soon realize that you’re on the short end of the stick here.

When you ask this to your cheating partner, you’ll soon understand the depth of the emotional connection your unfaithful spouse has with the other person when you realize that regardless of your sacred marriage, you have been the “other” person in the relationship and not them. It will further help you heal and move on from that terrible ordeal.

5. Question #5 to ask your unfaithful: Are you wearing any protection at the time of the affair?

Aside from other important questions, you should also ask your partner practical questions during this challenging ordeal. One matter that could potentially arise is your and your partner’s sexual health. One-time cheating with the same person can still give you a risk of contracting any form of STD. It is even more risky if your partner has had multiple affairs with multiple people. This increases your chances of having any form of infection.

With that said, when your cheating spouse doesn’t use any condom while having an affair. It can potentially put you at risk, however, if your spouse reassures you that they are safe and have used any form of protection during the intimate act. It’s still necessary for you to get a test to be truly sure about your health.

The use of a condom may indicate that even though your cheating partner was aware of their mistakes, they still cared enough about their health and welfare to take precautions. The opposite can be said if they don’t; it indicates recklessness and lack of caution towards you. Ultimately, this tells the whole character of your spouse.

10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse

6. Question #6 to ask your unfaithful: Did you ever feel guilty about what you did to me?

Another moving question to ask your cheating spouse. Ask them: “Did you ever feel guilty of cheating on me?”. When you ask them this question, it sets the decision you’ll make for your well-being. Suppose your spouse shows any form of guilt and remorse towards you. It’s the least thing they can do. After all, you’re the one who betrayed her.

When you ask this question, you are examining and analyzing your spouse’s true motivations and ethical compass. If they feel guilty while engaging in extramarital activities. It indicates that there’s still a chance for them to change and be a better person; however, if they show no remorse and feel a thrill whenever they recount the memories of their affair, RUN! It’s not normal and could indicate narcissistic or sociopathic tendencies!

When you ask them this question, you are assessing their feelings of guilt, which will provide insight into their moral values. You’ll further understand the person you married into. At the same time, it will provide you with more reasons to leave them.

7. Question #7 to ask your unfaithful: What do you feel about it now?

Now, let’s further assess the true moral compass of your spouse by shifting the question to the present. Instead of dwelling on the past, let’s further advance now to the present. Ask your spouse what they feel about the cheating that happened in the relationship. Ask them how they truly feel about it.

This is a comprehensive question that will offer you plenty of answers. It will give insights as to what your spouse truly feels at the moment, now that you have known they cheated on you, if they feel sorry and want to make it up to you. It is up to you whether you still want to stay in the relationship or not.

The relationship can still work if you both agree to rebuild trust and that your spouse will do the necessary things to get the trust back; however, if they show no remorse and willingness to make amends to you. You should leave that toxic partner and never go back again to that relationship.

8. Question #8 to ask your unfaithful: What did your affair offer you that was missing in our relationship?

This can be one if not the most upsetting question you can ask your unfaithful spouse. Remember that it’s not your fault that your spouse cheated on you, and it will never be. Regardless of how the question is constructed, this will offer an insight into the past motivation and mindset of your unfaithful spouse.

When you ask this question, you are digging into your spouse’s sexuality. It may be because your spouse’s other man or woman is willing to try different sexual things with them. Or it could be because they’re more nonjudgemental and offer more relief than the things you offer.

10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse

9. Question #9 to ask your unfaithful: How can I trust you again after what you did to me?

They say it’s good to be the better person, to forgive and forget. But contrary to popular belief, it is necessary that you become furious with your cheating spouse. It is normal for you to feel in pain and be angry with your spouse’s actions. It is never okay to cheat and betray someone who you committed yourself.

With that said, by asking them this question. You are asking them what the things are that they are willing to go beyond to make amends for you. Rebuilding trust after cheating can be difficult, and it’s important if you want your relationship to survive. However, if you’re having doubts about it, you can always separate from your spouse on your terms.

The inability to rebuild trust is one of the biggest signs your marriage will end in divorce. Tell them how you truly feel and how angry or disappointed you are in them. Then, ask them what they can do to build that trust again. Surely, if your partner truly wants to get your trust back, they will do immeasurable things just to keep you.

10. Question #10 to ask your unfaithful: What are the other secrets you’re keeping?

This question further provides intimate details of your partner’s cheating history. When you uncover the truth, it is necessary to find out everything about the affair. Ask them what are the other lies and secrets they’re keeping to maintain the affair.

Ask them which of their friends know so you’ll know who has been lying to your back all along. Inquire about those dark secrets that you want the answer to. If your partner truly wants to make it up to you, they will tell you everything with no hesitation. Identifying other peripheral information about the affair can help you weigh in on whether you can still trust your partner or not.

How Can I Fix My Marriage After My Spouse Cheated On Me?

● Make sure it's up to your spouse to build the relationship again.

We all know that a relationship must be built by two people. However, in this case, your cheating spouse must take further action to take accountability and build that trust again. You must see that your cheating spouse is genuine in making the relationship work. This means doing the necessary things.

To do that, you must first know that your spouse is willing to end that affair. Second, you must see that they will take accountability for their actions. They will not blame you or anyone else. Lastly, they must apologize with sincerity. If you do not see any of this in your spouse, it’s better for you to just break it off.

● Ask for transparency in the relationship.

If you want to work things out despite the cheating incident with your spouse, then you must ask them for transparency. You must see that they’re willing and able to provide the honesty you need in the relationship.

Rebuilding trust means illuminating the shadows. This means that you must see them becoming an open book to you. You must show them that you are only willing to work things out if they are giving you the necessary assurance you need.

Transparency means being open to trust again, being vulnerable and truthful regardless of anything. If you see your partner becoming more like this instead of being defensive or angry. Then, it’s a good sign that you both have what it takes to rebuild the relationship.

● Plan for a better future.

Seeking a couple’s therapy can be essentially helpful in determining the health of your relationship. It will also help both of you to determine the good things and the bad things in the relationship, tying any loose ends in the process.

In this manner, you can also start regaining momentum by doing important things, such as planning for a fresh start in the relationship. It could be moving to a new home, a new city, or a new workplace. Things that you can both do to get a fresh start.

When you plan for a better future, you are both giving stability and commitment to the relationship. However, this process will only work out if there’s already trust in the relationship. If you’re the one who was cheated on, the decision is yours to make.

● This is a time for you to be kind to yourself.

Being kind to yourself in these challenging times is important. It helps you think clearly and conserve your energy for more important things like reconnecting and regaining happiness in the relationship. Sometimes, most partners who have been cheated on treat this problem as a form of self-punishment.

Instead of being that partner who becomes sulky and depressed, you must know that it was never your fault in the first place. Internally, you must realize that your partner is the one who made the mistake and not you. Take some time off to prioritize your self-care. Be in love with yourself and take care of your physical and emotional well-being. Trust us; you’ll get back to your old self in no time.

● Allow yourself to forgive

Forgiving isn’t just the simple uttering of the words “I forgive you.” It goes beyond that, and sometimes it’s gonna take a long time for you to forgive your cheating spouse even if the trust has already been fixed. Forgiveness can come in the form of proper and healthy ways to communicate or show empathy or understanding despite the betrayal.

Reconnection and healing is a two-way street. The one who was cheated on and the one who cheated should be doing their sole duties to keep the relationship intact. This means that in your position, you must allow yourself to trust your spouse again, even if it means risking it all again for them. That’s what love is: you’ll risk things even if they’re difficult.

Focusing on your personal healing journey is also a good way to keep the relationship intact. Remember to not forgive your cheating spouse if you do not feel like it. Forgiveness requires time and dedication; you must be genuine in expressing it to your spouse. Therefore, your spouse must do the necessary things to get your trust and affection back.

Final Thoughts

By asking the necessary and important questions, you can assess and weigh whether you should still stay in the relationship or not. Alongside that, by asking these appropriate questions, you allow your partner to come clean about their affair and create space for reconciliation and development in your union.

By evaluating their level of guilt and regret about the affair, you are analyzing whether they can still change for the better and become a better spouse for you or just stay the same. The choice is still up to you.

Relationships are a two-way street, and it takes the two of you to rebuild that confidence and fortify your marriage or partnership. It takes two to tango; you can dance your way to a stronger, more durable relationship with open communication, understanding, and a dedication to commitment and staying monogamous.

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