Home » 10 Emotional Letters to Write to Your Husband Who Hurt You(Convey Your Feelings Effectively)

10 Emotional Letters to Write to Your Husband Who Hurt You(Convey Your Feelings Effectively)

by Josephine Fuller
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It can be difficult to verbally express feelings of emotional pain towards your husband, who has caused you hurt, especially if you don’t have the strength to process what you feel right away.

This is why writing letters is an excellent option since it allows you to articulate your thoughts well before letting your husband know. It also allows him to think deeply about what you’ve said.

If you don’t know what to put in the letters to a husband who hurt you, don’t worry! This is where I come in. I will provide you with everything you need to know and with samples, too. So read further this article for more!

Why It’s So Important to Share Your Feelings Through Writing

It helps you release pent-up emotions that you can no longer keep inside. Writing is an outlet that enables you to talk through your situation, lighten your emotional burdens, and even make you feel better. 

Psychology says being able to write your feelings as a means of expressivity can make you emotionally more robust and less avoidant in facing stressful situations. It is also quite therapeutic and the most accessible self-help tool for everyone. 

Therefore, writing what you feel about your husband hurting you will help you let go of some of the stress you’ve been feeling. Plus, you can communicate your thoughts better and get it all off your chest.

How Do I Write An Emotional Letter to My Husband During Difficult Times? 

Although this can be daunting, writing a letter to your husband or partner during challenging times can be therapeutic. Here are some tips to remember when writing:

1. Write a rough draft of your letter

Before anything else, remember to create a rough draft of the letter. This is because later on, you would have to go through what you’ve written again and make revisions when needed.

2. Begin by letting him know you’re there for him

Start the letter by asking your husband or partner how he’s doing. Afterward, write him reassurances about the situation. You can tell him something like one or a combination of the following lines:

  • I’m here for you, I support you.
  • I’ll still be by your side despite everything.
  • I know this is bad, but we will get through this.
  • You are not alone, we are in this together. 
  • You mean the world to me. 

It would help if you expressed that you still support him despite the hurdles you both are facing. Let him know that you guys will go through it together—this will undoubtedly impact his feelings.

3. Pour your feelings and your heart out

This will comprise the bulk of your letter, so avoid writing when angry, tired, or intoxicated. Write with a clear mind and honesty in your heart to tell him how you genuinely feel.

Please do not use this as an opportunity to criticize your husband’s actions because you might end up hurting him and making the situation worse. Be compassionate despite it all.

Start your messages with these words:

  • I keep feeling …
  • The hardest part for me has been …
  • I feel sad about …
  • I keep thinking I could … / I keep thinking you might …

This has left me wondering, “How and when did things go so wrong?”

letter to husband who hurt you

4. Let him know that you love him

Your husband must know that even if you’re hurt by what he did, you still love him during these challenging times. This will show him that the love is still solid and ever-present, although your predicament is testing it.

5. End on a positive note by offering hope of reconciliation

After sharing your thoughts and feelings, end the letter positively. Tell him you want to fix the situation and that there is hope for things to return to how they were before he hurt you.

You can say words like the following:

  • Please know that I want to find a way for both of us to …
  • I am doing my part to reconnect with you …
  • We could fix this by starting with a phone call …
  • Perhaps we could both set aside our differences, sit down, and talk this out …
  • I am willing to talk this out with you …

6. Refine your letter 

After writing your initial thoughts, reread what you’ve written and highlight the points you want to get across. When creating the final letter, make sure these points are expressed well. 

If possible, sleep on it—yes, you heard me. Give yourself a good night’s rest after writing. According to a 2018 study, lack of sleep can make you more emotionally sensitive to stress, so sleeping is a suitable coping mechanism when you’re feeling sad. 

Letter to My Husband Who Hurt Me: 10 Sample Letters for Various Situations

If you don’t know how to put your thoughts into words, I got you. You can use the following examples depending on your situation. Feel free to tweak some words if needed!

1. Letter to Husband About Understanding

Dear [Husband’s Name],

My heart is heavy after what has happened between us. This was one of the first fights that caused so much tension that it ultimately kept us apart. I miss you so dearly, and I always think about you. However, I need you to understand that what you did hurt me.

We have been through so much together that I had never imagined that we would come to this point in our relationship, that I would ever feel this kind of pain, and that you would be the one to inflict it. I want to believe that this isn’t who you indeed are. You have always been kind, loving, and passionate towards me.

A lot is going on in your mind right now. Is there anything that’s troubling you? You know you can trust me and that you can tell me anything. I am always on your side. We can figure this out together by talking if you’re willing enough. You know how to reach me.

2. Letter to Husband About Healing and Growth

Dear [Husband’s Name],

How are you? I am hoping that you miss me the way I miss you. The hardest part for me has been thinking you no longer want to work this out with me after everything that has happened. We both know you hurt me, but what truly matters is the direction our relationship is going.

We’ve always had our ups and downs–it’s a natural part of every marriage. Sometimes, we let our negative emotions get the best of us, and we quickly get exhausted from arguing.

Even then, we always come out even stronger than before. I believe in our love’s resilience; with open communication, understanding, and effort, we can move past this.

Let’s both heal for each other’s sake, learn from our past mistakes, put back the pieces we’ve broken, and start a new chapter of our lives—one where we foster a stronger bond between us. We can get through this together.

3. Letter to Husband About Feeling Unwanted

Dear [Husband’s Name],

I apologize for the fact that you must read about my feelings through this letter. Truthfully, I have been feeling unloved and unwanted recently—and I don’t know how to tell you properly, so I hope my thoughts from this letter can get my point across.

Although we’ve been married for so long, you’ve felt more like a stranger to me. Looking at you, I no longer see your love for me. Every interaction we have feels forced and more of a marital obligation rather than something borne out of the fondness and affection we once had.

The distance between us is something I cannot bear; it hurts more than you’ll ever know. You know as well as I do that we can’t continue like this. Something has to change, and we need to talk about it.

I won’t give up on us as long as there’s a fighting chance for us to restore the love lost. Call me once you’re ready, and I’ll discuss this with you, whatever it takes.

4. Letter to Husband About Seeking Space

Dear [Husband’s Name],

By now, you may have realized how detached I have been lately ever since that last colossal argument we had. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner, but I didn’t know how to tell you I needed some time away from you. I wanted this to be easy for you, so I am staying at my mom’s for a while.

Ever since that day, I have woken up with a heavy heart and a befuddled mind. Instead of lashing out, I am left with a silence that leaves me thinking and feeling about the hurt you’ve caused. Our home doesn’t feel as comforting as before, so I had to put this distance between us.

Don’t worry; you still mean the world to me—even now, as I’m writing this, I miss the cadence of your voice and the warmth of your touch. I need this time and space for myself. Hopefully, I will be okay soon and ready to talk things out and fix this marriage with you.

5. Letter to Husband About Repetitive Fights

Dear [Husband’s Name],

Remember when we vowed to respect each other and, as much as possible, avoid hurting each other’s feelings? After the series of fights we have been experiencing, I feel like a part of our shared promises was broken, breaking my heart.

I understand that you were probably under as much stress as I was or that you weren’t intentionally trying to hurt me. I know you don’t have any malicious intentions or ill feelings towards me, but I still feel hurt.

I appreciate that you apologized to me verbally, but the lack of effort to change hurts our relationship even more. Despite my emotional turmoil, I will discuss it with you if you’re open to it. We can mend the cracks in our marriage and forge something anew—something more vital than ever before.

6. Letter to Husband About Finding Your Way Back

Dear [Husband’s Name],

The emotional pain I’ve been feeling came in gentle waves until it gradually turned into loud crashes in the shore I call my heart. It has left me sleepless, directionless, and confused. It made me think of every experience, happy memory and shared laughter.

If possible, I want to try bringing back all the love we’ve carefully nurtured throughout our marriage. I believe that the universe has conspired for us to meet and care for each other so much. We must regain our groove and rediscover what we love about each other.

However, we must first address the hurt and resolve all our issues. It may be uncomfortable at first, but we need to face the music to work towards healing. I am more than ready to do so, and I genuinely hope you are, too. Please let me know when you are.

7. Letter to Husband About Getting Couple’s Therapy

Dear [Husband’s Name],

I know you’re hurting just as much as I am right now. The past weeks have been unbearable for me to handle. The emotional pain has been clouding my thoughts, making it very hard for me to do my daily routines, even activities that I find mundane, such as taking the kids out to the park.

We keep fixing things, but it’s all still crumbling apart, no matter how hard we try. It makes me reflect on our past and how terrible things have changed. I yearn for the old us and how things used to be when our love for each other was strong.

I think it’s time for us to consider going through couples counseling to finally get professional help and guidance because this is getting too difficult to fix ourselves. Let’s help each other heal, understand each other, and start brand new, if possible.

8. Letter to Husband About Strength in Difficult Times

Dear [Husband’s Name],

I know life hasn’t been kind to you lately. You have felt a tremendous amount of loss and grief in just a short period. I understand that you are under a lot of emotional duress and are not in control of your emotions, hence why you snapped at me.

However, I still cannot help but feel hurt by your actions. Please know I am here if you need a shoulder to lean or cry on. When you want to share your feelings, I will listen with an open mind and a kind heart who understands.

You are one of the strongest people I know. I will never forget you being there for me when it was I who was experiencing painful life events. This is me trying to reciprocate and be the loving and supportive partner that you deserve. I am here; you are not alone.

9. Letter to Husband About Saving Your Marriage

Dear [Husband’s Name],

I know our marriage has been suffering lately, that all we’ve been doing is hurting each other, and things aren’t working out the way we expect them to. Nonetheless, I want you to be reminded of my love for you. When we exchanged our vows, I knew I’d love you forever.

This is why I’m writing this letter—to let you know that no matter how bad things get, I am not giving up on you, and I hope you feel the same way too. Even if the odds are stacked against us, I believe our love will prevail.

For better or for worse, I will stay. I hope we use whatever spark is left in our relationship, ignite that, and fix everything that needs fixing. I’m keeping all my communication lines open for when you’re ready to talk to me.

10. Letter to Husband About Keeping Secrets From You

Dear [Husband’s Name],

You probably think it wasn’t a big deal when you hid that from me. However, it pained me to realize that you have deliberately kept something from me. I felt ultimately deceived and betrayed.

I know you don’t have any ill intentions, but I deserve an explanation for why you did what you did. I am willing to be open-minded and listen to what you say, no matter how superficial you think they are—they aren’t to me. Let’s rebuild the trust lost between the two of us.

Let’s take this chance to reflect on what happened. Privacy is essential, even between a wife and a husband, but know that I am receptive to everything you want to say. Let me know when you want to talk.

Giving the Letter to Your Husband

So, when do you give your emotional letter to your husband? It depends again on your situation. But here are general do’s and don’ts that you can follow so you can get a feel of when and how you can give it to him:

Do’s

  • Present the letter when enough time has passed. 
  • Find a time when you and your husband are both in a good or, at the very least, a calm mood.
  • Be patient. He may or may not have processed what has transpired to you both.

  • Make sure you convey your thoughts about talking it out together so that he knows he can respond by writing a letter or calling you.

  • Let a trusted third party hand the letter to your husband. If possible, it should be a sibling or a close cousin you know wouldn’t meddle nor tell everyone else about the letter’s existence.

 

Don’ts

  • Hand him the letter when the emotional wounds are still fresh.

  • Give the letter when your husband feels agitated, stressed, or exhausted.

  • Pester him to read it right away. It should be up to him to decide when exactly to read it.

  • Force him to respond via a letter if he doesn’t prefer to face you that way. Let him come to you on his terms.

  • Broadcast the letter to your family and friends. The letter should be as much as possible between you and your husband alone.

What Happens Next?

Now, you wait. It might take some time for him to process what he’s read fully. He might want to respond with his letter or call you. He might not even read it right away, and that’s alright, be patient. Give him the space he needs to absorb everything.

Additionally, take a much-needed rest. Making an emotionally raw letter like what you just did can be draining and overwhelming. If you get antsy about resting and waiting all the time, distract yourself by finding a hobby, traveling, or meeting other friends.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. How long should the letter to my husband who hurt me be?

Long enough for you to convey every message you have to—as long as your point needs to come across effectively, it can be anywhere from 250 to 2,000 words, or even longer! It solely depends on you; write as much as you want, but revise it when necessary.

2. How do I make my husband apologize for hurting me?

Communication is the key to everything. Let your husband know that his actions have caused you pain, but do not lash out at him. Explain calmly that he has to be accountable for what he did. Ensure you express that you can sit and talk it out together to heal and move on from the incident.

3. Can a letter save my relationship with my husband?

It is not a surefire guarantee of saving your relationship, but it opens the possibility of so. A letter is just one way to express your feelings and desire to reconnect, fix, and rebuild your relationship with your husband.

Conclusion

Writing a letter to a husband who hurt you may seem emotionally daunting, but once you’ve constructed a well-refined letter, you’ll realize you have lifted an enormous weight from your life.

I hope the samples I gave were helpful to you, especially if you don’t know what to put in your emotional letter. Remember: you can make your tweaks based on your situation with your husband.

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1 comment

Craftkanya February 23, 2024 - 6:03 am

The author’s passion for the topic shines through in every paragraph.

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